Mental Health Monday – The Parent in the Mirror

It’s often been said that kids should come with how-to manuals that provide step-by-step directions for parents. After all, cars, dishwashers, even coffee makers come with an owner’s manual—why not children? If the stork did deliver such a book with each brand new baby, one chapter would no doubt be devoted to the power of mirror neurons.

This type of brain cell is responsible for copying the behavior of other people. Have you ever wondered why yawning is “contagious”? Or why we tend to unknowingly match our body language when talking to another person? Or why expecting fathers experience sympathy pains? The answer, most likely, lies in these neurons found in the frontal and parietal lobes of the cerebral cortex. Scientists currently believe the primary function of mirror neurons is to help us form meaningful social connections. In short, they help us to be “in sync” with those around us.

The significance of these cells for parents cannot be overstated. Anyone who’s spent any time around young children knows they are like sponges, soaking up practically everything they see and hear. This, of course, can be good or bad—all depending on what exactly your son or daughter is routinely exposed to. Remember the slogan from the ‘80s public service announcement, “Parents who use drugs have children who use drugs”? As it turns out, these words actually apply to any number of behaviors, both positive and negative. “Parents who have anger problems have children who have anger problems” but “Parents who regulate their emotions effectively have children who regulate their emotions effectively” and, most importantly, “Parents who show love unconditionally have children who show love unconditionally.”

As you think back to that ‘80s anti-drug commercial, remember also what the teenage son told his father when confronted about using drugs: “I learned it by watching you!” Show consistently your son or daughter the type of person you want them to be by being that person yourself. Your children’s young, malleable brains will do the rest.