Mental Health Tuesday - The Defenses of Displacement & Denial (Part II)

Denial, it’s been said, is more than just a river in Egypt. It is another classic defense mechanism used unwittingly to shield oneself from psychological pain and emotional hurt. It is the first stage of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ well-known stages of grief, the initial protective barrier to the life-altering news that life itself is about to end. It is the elderly person in poor health who refuses to go to the nursing home, the student who is sure there must have been a mix up on the SAT results, the divorced man who refuses to date because he’s sure his ex will eventually change her mind.

If you think about it, denial sounds a lot like hope. It is the elderly person who hopes her health will improve so she can continue living at home; it is the student who hopes there is an SAT score that better represents his academic abilities; it is the divorced man who hopes his ex will change her mind. So where does hope end and denial begin? Probably when the line that separates fact from fiction and reality from fantasy begins to blur. Hoping that the diagnosis is wrong is one thing, but continuing to live as if nothing is wrong is more indicative of actual denial (including, perhaps, not pursuing critical care due to the belief “that doctor didn’t know what he was talking about!”).

Displacement is another commonly used defense mechanism which refers to the projection of an emotion (usually anger) meant for one person onto someone else. That “someone else” in many cases is someone safe, such as a loved one, who has nothing to do with the source of the emotion. For example, a middle-aged shoe salesman who is berated by his customers may come home to take his frustrations out by yelling at his wife and kids (“Married with Children” anyone?!). In a much more extreme example, the victims of high school bullies at Columbine may have taken guns to school to seek revenge on everyone, not just the bullies. There are, of course, many more factors involved in school shootings besides displaced anger, but this is an important concept to keep in mind.

People who present with either denial or displacement may ultimately be looking for understanding. Someone in denial about his or her circumstances needs help understanding the impact of the predicament, and someone who is displacing his or her emotions needs understanding about why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling. This can be hard to do, because if someone treats us unfairly our instincts kick in and many people become defensive (i.e. “Hey, don’t take it out on me! It’s not my fault you..."). The more therapeutic response is to tell the person it looks like they’ve had a bad day, and ask if they want to talk about it. Whether someone you know is in denial or displacing their feelings, keep in mind these are defense mechanisms meant to protect the ever-fragile ego. Do your best to show such a person compassion and support, and see what happens next.