Mental Health Monday - Projectile Thinking (Part IV)

Over the course of the last few weeks, “Sound Advice” has focused on the Freudian theory of defense mechanisms, defined here as an individual’s attempt to psychologically protect him or herself from emotional hurt. These mechanisms come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and they can be adaptive or maladaptive, mature or neurotic. Today we conclude this look at defense mechanisms by considering a personal favorite: projection.

Everyone uses projection every day. It can be positive or negative as we transfer our own “stuff” onto others. Perhaps most commonly, insecurities we have about ourselves are affixed to other people via the perceptions we have about them.  Say, for example, you are not happy with your physical appearance for whatever reason and you “take it out” on other people by being overly critical of their appearance in your thoughts. Or imagine you have a small problem with lying. Rather than taking ownership of your dishonesty you pass it off on others, as in, “Whatever. Like he ever tells the truth!”

As mentioned, projection also has a good side. Kind, well-adjusted people tend to readily see traits of kindness and positive adjustment in other people consistently. However, the dark side of projection is problematic on a couple of levels: first and foremost, bad projection is based on a skewed perception of reality (which is rarely psychologically healthy)—if you’re seeing the nastiness you feel about yourself in other people wherever you look, it’s really time to do something about that nastiness. Get a self-help book. Write in your journal about it. See a therapist.

The other problem with bad projection is that it easily interferes with our interpersonal relationships. Essentially it comes down to admitting, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but this can be very hard to do—especially when defenses are strong. To stop projecting and to start accepting requires one to step back and become more self-aware. If you find yourself having negative thoughts about others—whether it’s your spouse, your spouse’s ex, or perfect strangers—ask if the thoughts are fair, what purpose they might serve, and consider if thinking negatively about others might be less about them and  all about you.

Mental Health Monday - Overcoming Adversity (Part III)

Life, as it turns out, isn’t always easy. Whether the hardships we encounter are due to our own choices, random chance, or predestination, sometimes life just plain sucks. Philosophically, the problems we encounter make sense--if we consider the world as a classroom, there are going to be tests. Grade schoolers don’t get to spend all day in recess and students who party too much in college tend to fail; life can be fun but ultimately we are here to learn and learning can be extremely challenging at times.

We may not choose our difficulties, but we do get to decide how we respond. Yesterday, you probably heard, was the 10^th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of 9/11. I’m still amazed by the heroes of that day, the people who chose to run into burning buildings that were about to crumble, the people who chose to fight back and crash United 93 into a field in Pennsylvania before it could reach its target in Washington, the people who spent months shifting through the rubble which was no doubt a smoldering pile of carcinogens. Where do people find the strength and courage to do these things?

This month Sound Advice is focusing on defense mechanisms, the ways in which individuals attempt to protect themselves from emotional hurt. As noted in previous posts, most of the Freudian mechanisms are believed to be neurotic and unhealthy, but some are quite positive. The primary healthy or mature Freudian defense mechanism is sublimation, the redirection of negative experiences into something good, creative, or productive. Sublimation is making lemonade when given lemons. Examples include journaling about painful events, writing poetry or making art, or giving of oneself for the good of others.

Consider Camp Haze, a one week all-expense paid summer camp specifically created for children who lost a loved one at the World Trade Center. Janice and Chuck Hazelcorn founded the camp after their son Scott died on 9/11. Scott loved children and dreamed of leaving his job at Cantor Fitzgerald to work with kids. When Scott died, his parents were able to channel their despair and no doubt anger into a positive force that lead to the creation of Camp Haze. Now they provide an annual summer refuge for the children of September 11^th, a service they perform in the memory and honor of their son.

The Hazelcorns found meaning in their suffering in the same way we can all find meaning in life: through serving others. Perhaps such service is the ultimate example of sublimation. Every day there are opportunities to put the needs of others before our own, and we don’t have to wait for tragedy to strike to transform our troubles into triumphs.

Mental Health Tuesday - The Defenses of Displacement & Denial (Part II)

Denial, it’s been said, is more than just a river in Egypt. It is another classic defense mechanism used unwittingly to shield oneself from psychological pain and emotional hurt. It is the first stage of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ well-known stages of grief, the initial protective barrier to the life-altering news that life itself is about to end. It is the elderly person in poor health who refuses to go to the nursing home, the student who is sure there must have been a mix up on the SAT results, the divorced man who refuses to date because he’s sure his ex will eventually change her mind.

If you think about it, denial sounds a lot like hope. It is the elderly person who hopes her health will improve so she can continue living at home; it is the student who hopes there is an SAT score that better represents his academic abilities; it is the divorced man who hopes his ex will change her mind. So where does hope end and denial begin? Probably when the line that separates fact from fiction and reality from fantasy begins to blur. Hoping that the diagnosis is wrong is one thing, but continuing to live as if nothing is wrong is more indicative of actual denial (including, perhaps, not pursuing critical care due to the belief “that doctor didn’t know what he was talking about!”).

Displacement is another commonly used defense mechanism which refers to the projection of an emotion (usually anger) meant for one person onto someone else. That “someone else” in many cases is someone safe, such as a loved one, who has nothing to do with the source of the emotion. For example, a middle-aged shoe salesman who is berated by his customers may come home to take his frustrations out by yelling at his wife and kids (“Married with Children” anyone?!). In a much more extreme example, the victims of high school bullies at Columbine may have taken guns to school to seek revenge on everyone, not just the bullies. There are, of course, many more factors involved in school shootings besides displaced anger, but this is an important concept to keep in mind.

People who present with either denial or displacement may ultimately be looking for understanding. Someone in denial about his or her circumstances needs help understanding the impact of the predicament, and someone who is displacing his or her emotions needs understanding about why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling. This can be hard to do, because if someone treats us unfairly our instincts kick in and many people become defensive (i.e. “Hey, don’t take it out on me! It’s not my fault you..."). The more therapeutic response is to tell the person it looks like they’ve had a bad day, and ask if they want to talk about it. Whether someone you know is in denial or displacing their feelings, keep in mind these are defense mechanisms meant to protect the ever-fragile ego. Do your best to show such a person compassion and support, and see what happens next.