“My wife shops A LOT. Not only is it harmful to our budget but she buys things we don't really need. How can I help her with her shopping addiction?”
If you haven’t noticed, we live in a culture that worships stuff. Anyone who turns on the radio or TV, checks their email, reads a magazine or even drives down the road is practically bombarded with advertisements; almost all of which are designed to make us want more and to want it bad enough that we’re willing to part with some of our hard earned money (even if we haven’t even earned it yet!). We have become a “Burger King culture,” a populous that very much prescribes to the notion we can indeed have it our way, regardless of our financial circumstances.
I’m afraid to say discontentment is becoming ingrained in the minds of many, many people because, unfortunately, Madison Avenue knows people who are happy with what they have are a lot harder sells. The bottom line is your wife may or may not truly having a shopping addiction; she may or may not simply be succumbing to the pressures of advertising messages that she can find happiness in a store. Either way, her shopping habits are hurting your bottom line and, I would imagine, your marriage. Therefore, it’s time to have a serious heart-to-heart with her about the ramifications of her spending. Approach this conversation with an attitude of concern and care; chastising her (although a natural response) is not going to help. Express to her that you are concerned by her out-of-control spending and that you would like to help her get to the root of why she feels the need to overindulge at the store.
In my experience working with people who have had issues overspending, decreased feelings of self-worth have almost always played a role. Like an overeater or an alcoholic, the behavior is often an individual’s attempt to meet an unmet need or to fill an emotional void. Compulsive shopping may be a person’s best hope of buying happiness (from his/her point of view). Obviously this is an illusion—the person may feel better in the short-term, but feelings of guilt are usually quick to follow, which may lead to still more feelings of low self-worth. One can see how this scenario easily becomes a vicious circle.
Suggest to your wife that she see a counselor for help uncovering and resolving the issues that drive her spending. You could also offer to participate in marriage counseling. I don’t know if problems in the marriage account for her spending (and I’m not suggesting that they do), but couples counseling would be a great way to show her you really are in this together and that she can count on you for support and understanding. Finally, I would recommend signing up for a financial planning course together to help get your budget back on track. Dave Ramsey’s “Financial Peace University” is one popular and well-respected program routinely offered by churches at low or no cost that may further help your wife beat her "stuffitus."
Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.
No comments:
Post a Comment