How Does that Make You Feel? (Part II)

The question, “How does that make you feel?” has become a cliché among psychotherapists. I once had a supervisor who prohibited her students from asking that question of clients because, in her opinion, it is the job of the therapist to reflect back to clients how they are feeling. Often, hearing something to the effect of “That must have made you feel very discouraged” can help an individual process his or her emotions more effectively.  In other words, clients don’t always know how something made them feel; it’s the job of the mental health professional to help them understand their emotional reactions.

Therapy is usually a great means of gaining better awareness of your emotions as well as how to cope with strong feelings. Frequently, therapists encourage clients to keep a feelings diary or to journal as a means of venting safely. For many people, writing about an emotional event is particularly useful as it may engage parts of the brain that assist in processing the circumstances and the emotional aftermath.  Talking about how you feel can also be very helpful—whether it’s to your therapist, friend, dog, or self. Spending some time digesting what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way is the antidote to “emotion stuffing.”   

Another thing to keep in mind is the importance of remaining objective about your emotions. By this I mean learning to observe what you’re feeling without passing judgment on those feelings. If you feel angry about something, acknowledge your anger without “beating yourself up” for feeling that way or telling yourself you shouldn’t feel as you do. On the other hand, if you notice that you’re consistently experiencing the same emotional response (i.e. easily angered), simply note that pattern without criticizing yourself and make plans to do something about it—preferably with the help of a licensed professional if warranted.  

As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Make the examination of your life a priority, including your emotional responses and overall well-being. Routinely ask yourself the all-important questions of “How does that make me feel…and what do I need to do about my feelings?” Keep in mind, simply ignoring them is not a viable option.