Moving On

“My first grade son’s best friend is moving across town, which means he’ll be going to a different school next year. When my son found out, he was absolutely crushed. What can I do to help him through this?”

You can, of course, tell your son that his friend is only moving across town; not across the country or even the state. He’ll still be able to see his friend as long as you and his friend’s parents agree to arrange play dates. These play dates would be advisable throughout the summer to help both kids through the transition. Then, once school starts, they can continue to see each other periodically but you should also encourage your son to make new friends with other children. This will more than likely happen naturally, but you could be proactive by asking your son if he would like to invite a new friend to your home.

Make sure your son knows it’s perfectly okay for him to feel sad about his friend moving away, and that sharing his emotions with others, including crying, is an acceptable means of expression; “better out than in,” as the saying goes. As adults we know your son and his friend will eventually grow apart, maybe sooner rather than later. Loss is an inevitable fact of life, and the loss of a best grade school friend to a cross town move is a great opportunity for your son to learn how to grieve in a healthy, helpful manner.

An alternative response along the lines of “Boys don’t cry” would only work to reinforce the social stereotype that men need to be strong and conceal their emotions. Then, when your son faces loss again later in life, how might he respond? His friend’s move across town may be “no biggie” in the grand scheme of things, but the manner in which you help him cope with his loss now can have a major impact on the man your son someday becomes.

Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.