The High Road Less Traveled

“Do you have any suggestions for the best way to handle a snarky co-worker?”

Yes. The high road is the road less traveled, but you just can’t go wrong on it.

I realize this piece of "sound advice" may actually sound a bit clichéd. Personally, I don’t mind clichés when they are the absolute truth, and I can think of no better recommendation to give on how to handle someone who is chronically unpleasant. If he or she wasn’t a co-worker, I would imagine you’d never subject yourself to this “snarky” individual’s company. That’s the thing about work: many of us don’t get to choose our co-workers, and when “duty calls” it can be difficult (if not impossible) to simply avoid those we’d rather not be around.

So your options are to fight snarky with snarky (tempting isn’t it?), or to take to heart the words of the supreme counselor, Jesus, who essentially said in the Sermon on the Mount, “Enough of this eye for an eye stuff. If somebody slaps you on the cheek, turn and let them slap your other cheek, too.” When you read this entire passage (Matthew 5:38-42), you’ll see that Jesus isn’t suggesting you merely ignore your co-worker’s snarkiness, but that you respond instead in…ready for this?...love. Here’s what else he said:

“If someone makes you go one mile, walk instead for two.”

(Jesus didn’t say to just ignore or refuse the demand to walk for a mile…)

“If someone takes your tunic, give your cloak as well.”

(He didn’t say just give ‘em what they want so they'll go away... He said go above and beyond. In other words, go the high road).

Countercultural advice, don’t you think? This is why the high road is less traveled—its direction tends to run opposite of conventional thinking. It certainly requires that you set your ego aside, but if you're able (willing) to do that so much the better. It’s your bruised and battered, vengeful ego that wants to strike back. And retaliating may feel good in the short-term, but ultimately wouldn’t it make things that much worse between you and the snarky one?

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle,” a quote by T.H. Thompson and John Watson, applies here as well. Perhaps there’s a reason this person has a bad attitude—financial problems, relationship problems, doesn’t like the job, an unfortunate personality—who knows! The point is not to let his or her unpleasantness infect you like a virus, which you in turn spread to others around you, helping to perpetuate the negativity.

Happily, the reverse can also happen: when others see you on the high road, you may begin to get some company up there. Maybe the snarky coworker will join you, too—or maybe not—but in time you could even develop some rapport with this individual. Probably not enough to become friends, mind you, but enough for your constructive feedback along the lines of, “You know you might want to work on your attitude…” to actually mean something to your co-worker. Granted, this is a long shot, but you may be amazed where the high road will take you.

Regardless of your co-worker’s response, here's the best part: you can feel at peace knowing that you’re handling a difficult person as best as possible: appropriately, responsibly, and with integrity.

Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.