The Trouble with Teens

"How do I keep my daughter away from the wrong crowd? She seems to be migrating towards some girls who don't care about school and may be doing drugs. My daughter is a great kid and student, but she doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. How can I encourage her to make better friends?"

This is a slippery slope, because for most teenagers a natural sense of rebellion will kick in: the more you push your daughter toward making friends you approve of, the more inclined she might become to run the opposite direction. Your assessment that “my daughter is a great kid and student” indicates you do trust your daughter…naturally, you probably consider the girls she’s been seeing as less than trustworthy. Although this can be alarming to parents, it’s a good idea not to overreact at this point. Communicate your concerns openly to your daughter and monitor her closely; if you have any suspicion that she’s turned to drugs herself, don’t be afraid to administer a home drug test (available at most pharmacies).

However, it doesn’t sound like your level of concern is high enough to warrant a drug screening at this point. So, for the time being, continue to trust your daughter and trust yourself as a parent; you’ve helped her get this far in life and you’re proud of her accomplishments, so my hope is you’ve also instilled within her a moral compass that will eventually point her away from the “wrong” crowd.

Ready or not, your daughter’s growing up. She’s gaining independence and, for better or worse, you’re naturally losing control. This is how it’s supposed to play out in adolescence; this is where the proverbial “rubber hits the road” as you get to see your daughter start to make decisions for herself. Perhaps one of the hardest things a parent must learn is to stand back and let your teenager start to take charge of his or her life. If she makes a mistake, seize the opportunity for a “teachable moment.” Your daughter will be happy—even relieved—to see you’re still there for her, no matter what.
Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.