“I'm 26 years old, male, and a little on the heavy side, but not obese. I've never been in a serious relationship. I would like to date more but I don't feel comfortable approaching girls, and online dating is not for me. I guess you could say I'm pretty shy. What can I do to meet new people?”
Psychologist Philip Zimbardo has studied and written much about shyness, describing it as a "self-imposed prison." If you're "locked inside yourself," it may feel like there's nothing that can free you from the shackles of shyness. The truth is that shyness really is a choice--thus the phrase self-imposed prison. Some people are naturally quieter and socially withdrawn for a variety of reasons, possibly including genetic predispositions and life experiences, but the forces that may have contributed to your shyness are not life sentences.
If you really want to get out and make new friends, commit yourself to doing so. Understandably, this will not be easy for a shy guy like you, so start off small. Go to a public place where you feel reasonably comfortable and sit for awhile. If you can't work up the nerve to approach someone and start a conversation, let someone approach you and do your best to develop some rapport with that individual. Then make a pledge that you'll speak with someone new the next time you go out. Remember you can't control other people, so if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. You should feel good about yourself for making the effort to step outside your comfort zone.
Given that you could stand to lose a few pounds, I strongly recommend joining a gym. For starters, you will feel better about yourself, and your confidence will increase through routinely exercising. Second, you will be around other people and have ample opportunity to make new friends. You might always be the "quiet guy," but that doesn't mean you need to be the "lonely guy," too. If you're serious about meeting new people, these tips should give you the keys needed to unlock your self-imposed prison. The question is, are you ready?
Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.
No comments:
Post a Comment