Doomed to Fail?

“I met a man through an online dating service several months ago. We talked online for some time before meeting in person. We really hit it off and our chemistry is great. I thought he was “the one,” but then I found out he’s married. My instincts tell me I should move on, but I’m not so sure. What do you think?”

Trust your instincts.

Sure things were really clicking between the two of you up until you learned that one minor detail…he’s married. Happily or unhappily, married is married. For him to seek a relationship with another woman is not a good predictor about his stability in future relationships. If you were to continue seeing this man, the honeymoon phase will eventually end and then doubt will begin to creep in, slowly but surely. He cheated on his wife with you. He very well would cheat on you with someone else. Can you really trust him?

Then there’s the question of your own reputation. If you keep seeing him, and he keeps hiding your relationship from his wife, he (and you) will eventually get caught. How would it feel to have a reputation as a “home-wrecker”? Is this really any way to start an intimate relationship?

I could be wrong. Who knows? You and he could be very happy together in a trusting, committed relationship. But statistics about trysts like this—and your own gut instincts—suggest otherwise. Listen to them both.

Disclaimer: Although the advice contained in this Web site frequently makes mention of diagnostic criteria and treatment options, it is not intended to replace the opinion of a qualified mental health professional who could directly and more specifically address the issues and concerns at hand; nor is the advice contained herein offered as substitution for psychotherapy or other professional mental health services. Individuals with mental health concerns are advised to seek treatment in person through a licensed professional. The author of the content on this Web site, Bryan J. Hall, LMHC, makes no guarantees regarding the advice offered and reminds readers to use personal discretion when deciding what, if any, advice or suggestions to accept and implement.